For the Birds Radio Program: Jim Baker's Blue Jay Vocalization Decoder Ring
This is Jim Baker. A lot of people have been asking where I’ve been lately, and why the heck they haven’t been able to buy any Baker’s Blue Jay Blend—Nature’s perfect food for Nature’s perfect bird. Well, I’ve been spending the last year away from my cooking vat, working on my newest project. It all started when I got bored one night and headed out to a video store. I found one flick called “Goldeneye,” and thought, “Cool! A movie about my favorite waterfowl!” But noooooooo—it turned out there wasn’t one bird in the whole darned flick. I haven’t been so disappointed since I went to see “Howard the Duck.” But something in that movie gave me a scathingly brilliant idea for a new invention—my official Jim Baker Instant Blue Jay Vocalization Decoder Ring—that’s J-B-I-B-J-V-D-R for short.
Yep. Just in time for Christmas, for all your favorite Blue Jay lovers, you can get this cool ring. Wear it outside and you can actually decode what your Blue Jays are talking about. All you do is point the ring in the direction of the jays, wearing my Jim Baker micro-earphones, and you’ll not only hear the actual jay call, you’ll instantly hear an accurate translation. I’ll give you some examples.
Last week I was out in the back 40 when I heard my jays squawking up a storm. Turns out there was a Great Horned Owl sitting in my old spruce tree, and they were mobbing it. Listen to how my official Jim Baker Instant Blue Jay Vocalization Decoder Ring worked out that call.
Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more…
When some stupid cat killed one of my local jays a few weeks ago, its mate started squawking pathetically. My decoder translated that as:
There’s a place for us. Somewhere a place for us. Peace and quiet and open air wait for us somewhere.
But pretty soon a whole flock of jays flew in and held an Irish wake. Suddenly my decoder ring changed its tune completely:
Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think. Enjoy yourself, while you’re still in the pink. The years go by as swiftly as a wink. Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.
And then yesterday, when I was just two minutes late filling my feeders, a jay looked down from my maple tree and squawked right at me. I ran in, got my Jim Baker Instant Blue Jay Vocalization Decoder Ring, and it turns out this is what he was saying:
You will respect my authority!
Yep. So respect MY authority and head out to my feed store for your official Jim Baker Instant Blue Jay Vocalization Decoder Ring. And while you’re there, pick up a load of Baker’s Blue Jay Blend, so you can give your Blue Jays something happy to talk about. Available only at Baker’s Blue Jay Barn, “Up the Shore a Ways.”