Laura Erickson’s For the Birds

JIM BAKER: “Christmas with Jim Baker,” starring me, Jim Baker. My guest on this year’s “Christmas with Jim Baker” is Martha Stewart.

MARTHA STEWART: Hi Jim, I’m so happy to be here today to tell you all about …

JIM BAKER: So Martha, what’s it like being married to the famous Jimmy Stewart?

MARTHA STEWART: Well, I’m not Jim. I think I’m afraid Jimmy Stewart died.

JIM BAKER: You mean you got famous just by doing this fancy decorating and cooking stuff? What a country. So what the heck do you know about Blue Jays?

MARTHA STEWART: I simply love Blue Jays, Jim. They’re such an aesthetically pleasing bird with those exquisite shades of blue, the delicate white feathers around the eyes, and that jaunty little crest.

JIM BAKER: Yep, nature’s perfect bird.

MARTHA STEWART: But we don’t view Blue Jays in a vacuum. You have to consider the aesthetics of the surroundings to create an atmosphere worthy of Blue Jays. For example, try decorating your feeders with this delightful Blue Jays pleaser. See, I’ve strung tiny lights on this pine cone and sewn in blue and silver sequins, the right color combination against Blue Jays plumage. Then, for an interesting contrast, I’ve placed a rosette of red holly berries on the tip. Now isn’t this lovely?

JIM BAKER: Are you kidding?

MARTHA STEWART: Also, Jim, I paint all my bird feeders eggshell white or ivory. They set off Blue Jays colors to perfection. Let’s see your feeding station, Jim.... Oh, my, you have a very interesting color scheme.

JIM BAKER: Well, painting’s a waste of time. If God meant wood to be aesthetically pleasing, he’d have covered trees with tiny little sequins, and lights instead of good old leaves.

MARTHA STEWART: My goodness, Jim, what is this?

JIM BAKER: Well, that’s a piece of old plywood that I set on a rusty oil drum. Makes a great feeder, plus it beats lugging the junk over to the dump.

MARTHA STEWART: It’s a bird feeder?

JIM BAKER: Yep, filled with Baker’s Blue Jay Blend, the right choice for your jays.

MARTHA STEWART: Baker’s Blue Jay Blend? What’s that?

JIM BAKER: What planet do you come from, lady? Baker’s Blue Jay Blend is the best Blue Jay feed in the universe. It’s filled with peanuts, egg yolks, sunflower seed hearts, fried insects from my bug zapper, ground up baby chicks. Yep, Blue Jays salivate over it.

MARTHA STEWART: Speaking of recipes, I have a lovely one here that is sure to please the most finicky Blue Jay. First, you take your double boiler…

JIM BAKER: Double boiler? Get real, Martha.

MARTHA STEWART: Well, yes. You melt a pound of suet on the top pan of the double boiler, and then you mix in two and a half cups of peanuts, two cups of sunflower hearts, and a cup and a half of raisins.

JIM BAKER: Raisins? Blue Jays don’t like raisins.

MARTHA STEWART: Well, of course they do, Jim.

JIM BAKER: Wanna bet?

MARTHA STEWART: Well, why don’t we try a little experiment? Let’s put your, you call it Baker’s Blue Jay Blend in one feeder, and my very own Martha Stewart Holijay Special in another feeder, and let’s see what happens.

JIM BAKER: You’re on, lady. And while we wait, here’s a holiday message about Baker’s Blue Jay Blend, building better Blue Jay bodies 12 ways.

CALIFORNIA RAVENS:

Elegant Trogans are far away, Passenger Pigeons are past.
Christmas Blue Jays are here today, bringing joy that will last.
Have yourself some merry little Blue Jays. Help their hearts be light.
Baker’s Blue Jay Blend will bring them in your sight.
Have yourself some merry little Blue Jays, be they straight or gay.
Baker’s Blue Jay Blend brings them from far away.

Here they are as in olden days, happy golden jays of yore,
Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more.
Through the years our jays will be together, if our feeders allow.
Hang that Baker’s Blend upon the highest bow.
And have yourself some merry little Blue Jays now.

MARTHA STEWART: We’re back at Baker’s Blue Jay Barn. Unfortunately, Jim Baker isn’t feeling very well right now—injaygestion, perhaps?

JIM BAKER: Very funny, Martha. Well, folks, it turns out Blue Jays do like raisins. Who’d have figured? Means I’ll have to start throwing some more ingredients into my cooking vat. So head up to Baker’s Blue Jay Barn for some of my new improved Baker’s Blue Jay Blend. The right choice for your jays.