For the Birds Radio Program: Bird Jokes

Original Air Date: Dec. 13, 1999 (estimated date) Rerun Dates: Sept. 26, 2013; Sept. 23, 2009; Oct. 17, 2008; Oct. 19, 2007; Sept. 27, 2004; Oct. 10, 2003; Dec. 23, 2002

Laura tells some rather ridiculous bird jokes.

Duration: 3′23″


Every now and then people send me pretty good bird jokes, but they start clogging up my files. In order to clear them out before the New Year, rm designating today National Bird Joke Day.

We’ll start with little Timmy, in the garden filling a large hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. The neighbor asked, “What are you doing, Timmy?”

“Our favorite bird died,” replied Timmy tearfully without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor said, ‘’That’s an awfully big hole for a little bird, isn’t it, Timmy?” Timmy patted down the last heap of earth, looked up, and replied, “That’s because he’s still inside your stupid cat.”

Then there’s the story of John Doe appearing on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.” Regis says to him, “John, you’re up to $500,000 with one lifeline left-phone a friend If you get the next question right, you win one million dollars, but if you get it wrong you’re out of the game and drop down to just $32,000. Are you ready?

“Fire away!” says John, and so Regis asks, “For one million dollars, which of the following birds does not build its own nest: A-Robin; B-Sparrow; C-Cuckoo; or D-Thrush?

John knew nothing about birds, so he mulled this over but didn’t have a clue. He said, “I’m going to try my last lifeline. I don’t think any of my friends know anything about birds either, but Jane at least knows a lot of trivia. I’ll try her. So Regis rings her up and tells her she’s John’s lifeline for winning one million dollars. John asks her, “Jane, which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it the robin, sparrow, cuckoo, or thrush?” Jane says, “Gee, John-that’s easy. It’s the cuckoo.”John asks, “Are you sure?” and she says “Absolutely positive.”

So John makes that his final answer, and sure enough, he gets it right, wins a million dollars, and goes out with his friend to celebrate. They’re sitting at a bar and he says, “Jane, I know you’re smart, but to tell the truth, I didn’t think you knew a thing about birds. How did you know it was the cuckoo that doesn’t build a nest?”

Jane answered, “John, everyone knows that cuckoos don’t need nests–they live in clocks.”

Finally, there’s the one about the marine biologist who developed a race of genetically engineered porpoises that could live forever if fed a steady diet of gulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, and he set out to trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions sleeping in the road ahead. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them, and was immediately arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.